Sixty Years of Enough
September 20, 2018
Today I started my 7th decade, as my dear man reminded me. Thanks a lot for that, my love! WOW! What a journey it’s been! 60 years!
The months leading up to this day have been the hardest of all my anticipated birthday’s! Good flippin grief….
I dreaded it!!!!
I’ve never been real good with change…
But this change…THIS is a milestone if ever there was one.
I always tend to cry a little about milestones, whether good or bad, do you? They are just a turning of the page, the beginning of a new chapter, leaving the last one behind…….
and that’s just hard on a heart!
I suppose I’ve sort of hung on for dear life to middle age for as long as one can, even if I was on the very back end of it…
As a dirty old man once said, “People don’t live to be 120!”
Gonna have to let that illusion go, girl!
Cause we’re talking “SENIOR” now! I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
How on God’s green earth that happened so fast, I DO NOT KNOW!
So….one day when I was driving and musing on what’s coming, a thought comes to me….
“Well, Bonnie….What age would you like to go back to?”
Didn’t even have to think about it….
OH HECK NO!!! I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK!! PLEASE NO!!!
Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out WHY NOT?
So I had a little talk with Blake about it last night. He’s always so good at helping me put reason to my feelings.
He said, “Most every stage of our lives, especially our adult lives, is HARD! It’s like we’ve pushed a boulder up a mountain. Old age is getting it almost to the top. Letting it slide back down and doing it all over again….WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO DO THAT?”
Yes, you can be jealous that I have such a smart man…but sorry….he’s stuck on me like glue.
And then You spoke to me, Lord, and You reminded me that Your Word constantly refers to life as a race.
“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”
“They will run and not be weary.”
“I run the path of Your commands.”
“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run but only one receives the prize? Therefore run like you want to win.”
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
YEP! I’ve run a loooong way now! I don’t wanta start over!
So I reminisced over each lap…
The first leg of my race started out difficult to put it mildly.
I wouldn’t change those childhood years for anything on this earth because they helped to shape my heart and purpose into what it was meant to be…
But nope….Don’t want to relive it!
You were my Daddy then.
AND YOU WERE ENOUGH!
My teenage years were pretty darn sweet in so many ways-Still so tumultuous at home but You, Lord, gave me so many people to fill the gaps….
Jimmy Gunter,
Deanna Bennett,
John Thompson,
And friends, Lord, who are still some of my very best friends to this day….
All who loved me like nobody’s business, who believed in me and urged me onward.
And THERE WAS YOU, LORD…YOU WERE THERE;
My Provider,
My friend,
My stability…
AND YOU WERE ENOUGH!
I cherish those memories and those people but,shoot NO! I would not want to stay there in that season…..
because there was SO MUCH MORE to come!
OH! The college years!! Those were fun and crazy and somewhere in the process, I actually learned something that would prepare me for my calling to teach…
Tight friendships were forged there that remain my treasures to this day.
There was ‘Doc’ Richardson who taught me, loved me, believed in me, fussed at me, and sharpened me….
Ohhh the memories!
And there was Jack. I’d never loved like that…
And I let him go…
Because You said so! No other reason.
That was a defining moment for me…
I knew then that I truly loved YOU more than I loved anyone; more than I loved myself.
And right there….was YOU!
You were my portion,
You were my everything,
You were my Love;
My Sustainer.
AND YOU WERE ENOUGH!
But, Lord, NO!! I don’t want a redo of that!
There were the early years of marriage…
Let me just say, thank GOD those are behind us; and thank GOD they eventually got better!
You were my husband then.
AND YOU WERE ENOUGH!
And the baby years!!!
OHHHHH!!! Sweetest years of my life….
I was alone then….so very alone!
Except that You were there. You were my cheerleader then.
AND YOU WERE ENOUGH!
Like sand that ran through my fingers, before I could get a grasp, the kids had grown up and left home.
And BAM! THEY STARTED REPRODUCING LIKE RABBITS!
I’m still trying to decide if I loved them as much as I love the little “thems” that they and You created.
Oh Lord!!! Surely THIS must be the sweetest season of my life!!
OF COURSE I WOULD NOT GO BACK! HECK NO!!
In this season of my life, You are my Rewarder!!
AND YOU ARE DARN SURE ENOUGH!!
“Adulting” IS a race!
Today….I realize that if I keep running, there won’t be a whole lot more laps to run until I can see the finish line!
I’m SO EXCITED for the rest of the journey!
Let’s do this last leg FULL THROTTLE!
Because in just a few more rounds, the race will be over, I will run into Your arms….
And I’ll be HOME!
And I will know with all my heart…
That through EVERY season…
YOU WERE WORTH IT!
YOU ARE NOW,
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN,
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE….
ENOUGH!