He Who Loses His Life Will Find It

By 1988, the Lord had given us 3 children. We gave them back to Him. (I don’t mean that like it sounds….unless maybe I do a little bit… )

It was at about this stage that I released them from the clinched fist in which I held them, opened my hands, raised them toward heaven, and gave them over completely to His Sovereignty. Hardest thing a momma ever does…and perhaps the wisest!

While giving mothering every single ounce of my life, I sooo often felt like a failure. I had thought I would be good at mothering, and at this point, I was doubtful. I had begun keeping a journal of prayers during those days because Blake was rarely ever home, my best friend moved away, and I needed desperately to pour out my heart to someone who knew it all and saw it all.
I knew, as Gloria Gather put it, “We have this moment to hold in our hand, and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow may never come….

But we have this moment today.”

I treasured every “today.” I could only keep them forever as memories.

And so, I wrote.

Someday, I desperately want to share that journal with young mothers who are now  living what I lived. As an older woman, I now have SO much encouragement to offer them!

It was during these days in which I lost myself…

That I truly found myself!

These were the sweetest days of my life…